Best examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk in real conversations

Real-world examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk

Let’s start where real learning happens: in actual conversations. Below are everyday examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk in different life areas—health, work, relationships, and habits.

Think of sustain talk as language that keeps things the same, and change talk as language that leans, even slightly, toward doing something different.

Health behavior: Smoking and vaping

Scenario 1: Smoking
Client: “I mean, yeah, smoking isn’t great, but it helps me calm down. And my grandpa smoked his whole life and lived to 90.”

This is sustain talk. The person is:

• Minimizing the risk (“isn’t great”)
• Highlighting benefits (“helps me calm down”)
• Using an exception story (grandpa who lived long)

Now listen to a different moment:

Client: “Honestly, I’m getting tired of coughing in the morning. I don’t like that my kids see me smoke.”

That’s change talk. The person is:

• Expressing dissatisfaction (“tired of coughing”)
• Showing values (“my kids”) and concern

Scenario 2: Vaping (very 2024)
Client: “Everyone vapes. At least it’s better than smoking. And I only do it when I’m stressed at work.”

Sustain talk again. The language protects the status quo by normalizing, comparing, and limiting the behavior.

Later in the same session:

Client: “I hate how I feel when I don’t have it with me. It’s like it controls me instead of the other way around.”

That’s clear change talk: frustration with the current situation and a desire for more control.

These are strong examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk because the content (smoking or vaping) is the same, but the direction of motivation is different.

Weight, food, and exercise

Scenario 3: Weight and eating habits
Client: “I know my doctor keeps bringing up my weight, but I’ve tried diets before and they never work. Besides, food is the only thing that helps me relax after a long day.”

This is sustain talk:

• Past failures as proof change won’t work
• Food framed as the only coping strategy

Later:

Client: “I don’t want to get diabetes like my mom. I’d like to have more energy to play with my kids, but I just don’t know where to start.”

Here we get change talk mixed with uncertainty:

• Values: health and family
• Desire: “I’d like to have more energy”
• Barrier: “don’t know where to start”

The barrier doesn’t cancel the change talk; it just tells you where support is needed.

Scenario 4: Exercise
Client: “I hate the gym. I’m not a ‘fitness person.’ I’ve always been lazy.”

Sustain talk. The identity statements (“not a fitness person,” “always been lazy”) lock the status quo in place.

Later:

Client: “I did feel pretty good that one time I walked with my neighbor after dinner. It was kind of nice to get out of the house.”

Change talk shows up in a small, almost casual way:

• Remembering a positive experience
• Hinting at a possible direction (even if they don’t call it ‘exercise’)

These are subtle examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk where the shift is more about tone and memory than big, dramatic statements.

Alcohol, cannabis, and other substances

Scenario 5: Weekend drinking
Client: “Look, I don’t drink every day. I just go hard on weekends like everyone else. It’s not like I’m an alcoholic.”

Sustain talk:

• Downplaying (“just weekends”)
• Social normalization (“like everyone else”)
• Distancing from a stigmatized label

Later in the conversation:

Client: “But I hate waking up not remembering what I said. My girlfriend was really upset last Sunday, and I honestly don’t remember the argument.”

Change talk:

• Concern about consequences
• Emotional impact on a relationship
• Discomfort with loss of control

Scenario 6: Cannabis use (very common post-legalization)
Client: “Weed is legal now. It’s natural. It helps with my anxiety, so I don’t see the problem.”

Sustain talk: every sentence defends staying the same.

Later:

Client: “I guess I do feel foggy at work the next day. I used to be more sharp in meetings. I kind of miss that version of me.”

Now we hear change talk:

• Comparison between past and present self
• Sense of loss (“I miss that version of me”)

For many practitioners, these substance use scenarios are the best examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk because the contrast is so clear.

Work, burnout, and career changes

Scenario 7: Burnout at work
Client: “Everyone is burned out. It’s just how corporate life is. I should just suck it up and be grateful I even have a job.”

Sustain talk:

• Normalizing burnout
• Minimizing their own distress
• Using guilt (“be grateful”) to suppress change

Later:

Client: “But I’m not sleeping well, and I’m snapping at my kids. I don’t like who I’m becoming because of this job.”

Change talk:

• Recognizing negative impact on health and family
• Strong values-based statement (“I don’t like who I’m becoming”)

Scenario 8: Career shift
Client: “It’s too late to start over. I’ve already put ten years into this field. I’d be throwing everything away.”

Sustain talk uses sunk-cost thinking to justify staying put.

Later:

Client: “If I’m honest, I light up when I’m mentoring junior staff. I wish I could do more of that and less of the paperwork.”

Change talk:

• Clear preference and desire
• Glimpse of an alternative future

In 2024–2025, with so many people rethinking work after the pandemic and through ongoing economic shifts, these career-based examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk show up constantly in coaching and counseling.

Relationships and boundaries

Scenario 9: Setting boundaries
Client: “If I start saying no, people will think I’m selfish. My family has always depended on me. That’s just my role.”

Sustain talk:

• Fear of others’ reactions
• Fixed identity (“that’s just my role”)

Later:

Client: “But I’m exhausted. Sometimes I fantasize about turning my phone off for a whole weekend and not being available to anyone.”

Change talk:

• Clear emotional cost
• Desire for a different way of living (even if framed as a fantasy)

Scenario 10: Leaving a relationship
Client: “It’s not like it’s terrible all the time. And starting over sounds terrifying. Who knows if I’d even find someone else?”

Sustain talk here:

• Focusing on the ‘not terrible’ parts
• Fear of uncertainty

Later:

Client: “But I don’t like the person I am in this relationship. I feel small and anxious most of the time.”

Change talk:

• Self-awareness
• Naming ongoing emotional pain

These interpersonal situations are powerful examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk because they touch deeply held beliefs about love, loyalty, and identity.

Simple language patterns to spot sustain talk vs change talk

Now that you’ve seen multiple examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk, let’s simplify how to hear the difference without overthinking.

You’ll often hear sustain talk in phrases like:

• “That’s just how I am.”
• “It’s not that bad yet.”
• “I’ve tried before and it didn’t work.”
• “Everyone does it.”
• “I can’t because…”

You’ll often hear change talk in phrases like:

• “I’m tired of…”
• “I wish I could…”
• “I don’t want to keep…”
• “I’d like to…”
• “Maybe I could try…”

The content area (smoking, work, relationships) can stay identical. What changes is the direction of the person’s energy: toward staying the same or toward even slightly imagining change.

Motivational interviewing research, including work summarized by the Miller & Rollnick MI framework, consistently shows that when people voice more change talk—especially commitment language—they are more likely to follow through on new behaviors.

How to respond when you hear sustain talk

Recognizing sustain talk isn’t about arguing with it. It’s about understanding what it protects.

When someone says, “I’ve always been this way,” they’re usually saying, “Change feels scary or impossible.”

A helpful response might sound like:

• “A part of you feels like this is just who you are, and changing that sounds really hard.”

This kind of reflection shows respect instead of resistance. Paradoxically, when people feel understood, they’re more likely to move toward change on their own.

In healthcare, for example, the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) notes that confronting or arguing with sustain talk can backfire, while reflective listening tends to increase clients’ own motivation.

How to respond when you hear change talk

When you hear even a small piece of change talk, you want to gently amplify it—without pushing.

If a client says, “I kind of miss how I used to feel before I started vaping,” you might respond:

• “There’s a part of you that really misses feeling clearer and more like yourself.”

Or if they say, “I wish I had more energy to play with my kids,” you could say:

• “Your kids are really important to you, and having the energy to be present with them matters a lot.”

This does two things:

• It helps the person hear their own motivation more clearly.
• It increases the likelihood they’ll say more change talk next.

Over time, these small, real examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk in your sessions become the raw material for building a meaningful change plan.

2024–2025 trends that shape sustain vs change talk

The world people are living in right now affects the kind of sustain and change talk you’ll hear:

• Remote and hybrid work: Sustain talk might sound like, “Everyone is always online; I have to respond at all hours.” Change talk might be, “I hate that my laptop is the first thing I see when I wake up.”
• Social media and screen time: Sustain talk: “That’s just how people stay connected now.” Change talk: “I don’t like how scrolling makes me feel, but I keep doing it anyway.” The American Psychological Association has highlighted growing concerns about the impact of social media on mental health, especially among younger adults (APA).
• Post-pandemic health awareness: Sustain talk: “I survived COVID; I’m fine.” Change talk: “I want to take better care of myself now. I don’t bounce back like I used to.” Organizations like the CDC have emphasized lifestyle changes (activity, diet, substance use) to prevent chronic illness, which often shows up directly in the way people talk about change.

Being aware of these cultural currents helps you anticipate the kinds of examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk you’re likely to hear in your practice or personal life.

Quick mental checklist while you listen

When you’re in conversation, you don’t need a script. Just keep two quiet questions in the back of your mind:

• Is this moving toward staying the same or toward something different?
• Is this protecting comfort or expressing discomfort?

If the language protects comfort and the status quo, you’re hearing sustain talk. If the language expresses discomfort with the current situation or desire for something different, you’re hearing change talk.

Those two questions alone will help you catch most real-world examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk without getting lost in theory.

FAQ: Common questions about sustain talk vs change talk

How can I quickly tell if a statement is an example of sustain talk or change talk?
Ask yourself: Does this statement defend the current behavior (“It’s not that bad,” “Everyone does it”) or express any desire, reason, ability, or need to change (“I’m tired of this,” “I wish I could stop”)? Defending is sustain talk; leaning toward change, even slightly, is change talk.

Can the same person give both sustain talk and change talk in the same session?
Absolutely. In fact, ambivalence—feeling two ways at once—is normal. Someone might say, “Drinking helps me relax” (sustain) and later, “I hate how I feel the next morning” (change). Motivational interviewing is about helping them explore both sides without judgment.

What is an example of mixed sustain talk and change talk in one sentence?
A classic line is: “I know I should exercise more, but I’m just too exhausted after work.” The first part (“I know I should exercise more”) is change talk. The second part (“I’m just too exhausted…”) is sustain talk. Your job is to reflect both sides, then gently invite more talk about the change side.

Are there cultural differences in examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk?
Yes. In some cultures, sustain talk may lean heavily on family expectations or community norms (“In my family, nobody goes to therapy”). Change talk might center on collective well-being (“I want to be a better role model for my younger cousins”). Listening for values and context is just as important as the exact words.

Where can I learn more about motivational interviewing and see more examples?
You can explore resources from the official Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers at motivationalinterviewing.org. For health-related applications, the National Institute on Drug Abuse and the National Institutes of Health share research and guides that often include real dialogue samples.

If you start tuning your ear to even small hints of discomfort or desire, you’ll notice that people give you examples of recognizing sustain talk vs change talk all the time. Your role isn’t to force them to choose, but to create enough safety and curiosity that the change side of the conversation has room to grow.